My Funniest Travel Encounters – Part I

Travel experiences can be summed up into epic and memorable more often than not. They’re without a doubt immersive and educational. But there are some moments in our travels that would always get us rolling and laughing until our tummy hurt. They may be amusing and sometimes borderline embarrassing but they definitely add spice to our trips. So allow me to share one of my funniest travel encounters that up to this day would always pull a chuckle out of me and this is only Part I.

Part I: “I should’ve read the sign.”

This happened 6 years ago on the last day of our week-long Northeastern Mindanao trip which started in Cagayan de Oro then Camiguin and finally ending in the Enchanted River of Hinatuan. It was 1 AM when we rode the bus en route Mangagoy in Butuan Terminal. I slept the moment I took my seat next to the window at the very last row of the bus. Four hours into the trip and I woke up to my upset stomach. It was excruciating but not painful. Cold sweat on my forehead. My skin tingles and my hair stood on end. I could feel something was about to explode and I’m not gonna like it.

I tried to suppress what was boiling within me. I breathed and tried to stay calm. I let not a single thing out, not even a speck of gas for I knew what was coming next. My travel buddy who sat next to me noticed but he was the worst! Instead of helping, he even teased and uttered those words we normally use to a child or a baby to induce his poop. Yeah, you know what I mean. Annoyed, I called for the bus conductor and asked how far were we to Hinatuan to which he responded, “30 minutes.” That was not a good start. I’m well aware of how sometimes they say one thing but meant differently. Like 30 minutes could equate to an hour.

I was feeling hopeless and my situation was not getting any better. I focused on suppressing the turmoil from within my stomach. In there, certainly was a warzone. It would at a moment calm down but another siege which is worse than before would come minutes later. The scene in front of me was no help either. I remembered I slept on an empty bus but I didn’t expect to wake up to it being loaded to the brink. Like, how am I to pass through loads of people and their baggage seated in the center aisle in my situation. I couldn’t believe alighting the bus could become such an ordeal. Guess, I’ll just have to use the window then.

Surprisingly, the bus conductor signaled that we were already in Hinatuan after 15 minutes. I jumped out of my seat to quickly alight the bus the moment it stopped but then I didn’t know how. I turned to the window and took my gaze back at the center aisle several times. The look in the faces of the other passengers staring at me spelled, “You’re being hysterical.” Desperate, I said it out loud, “Natatae na ako!” And within seconds they tried to stir the aisle clear for me. I hopped on the big boxes and even stepped on some of the baggage but I heard not a single complaint. I guess they were more concerned about getting rid of me as the consequence could be a lot worse!

It was about 6 AM when we arrived in Hinatuan. I ran to an open family store and shamelessly but politely asked if I could use their toilet to which I got a resounding “NO”. On normal days, I could simply brush aside that rejection but at that moment, I was the most upset I felt like crying. I approached two more houses and got turned away all because they didn’t have water! Like what the effing hell?! Some habal-habal drivers who initially approached to offer us a ride to the Enchanted River suggested that I should just take my business in the woods. That sounded like an awfully terrible idea but at that time, I didn’t have much choice.

So I grabbed my tissue and ran towards the area they told me to. Of course, I dragged my travel buddy with me. It was still a bit dark and inside the woods was no better. When I found my spot, I took time to dig a small hole using a bamboo stick I found along the way. Once I was satisfied and without a second of hesitation, I took care of my business. It took me 10 minutes to finally get it over and done with but that was probably the longest 10 minutes of my life. I was dead scared. Who knows what could just show up in the woods? A wild boar. A snake. I didn’t know what could be worse, “Me running half-naked or me running with my uncleaned and smelly butt.” In the midst of all those scary thoughts inside my head, my only solace was the voice of my travel buddy who stood meters away. Heck, would he want a sniff.

Everything felt better the moment I finished. Like I could see myself humming to a tune in my mind while smiling from ear to ear. I also noticed the light peeping through the canopy of towering trees, making the surrounding more visible. I looked around and realized that the place was not that scary. I was in a tiny space surrounded by coconut trees and tall grass. Like, it was totally the perfect spot to take a dump. After I buried my business in that little hole I made, I looked around once more and guessed what I found. There, nailed 2 meters above me, in the trunk of a coconut tree behind where I stood, a sign written in bold letters that says, “BAWAL ANG DAMAK!”

And that just made my day…

Note:

• “Damak” is a Hiligaynon word for filthy or dirty so the sign said ‘No to being dirty or Don’t be filthy.” It’s as if it was scolding me for doing what I just did.
• I don’t know the situation now but during our visit, water was hard to come by in that area in Hinatuan and most of the households there only have makeshift toilets.
• This experience goes to show that no matter how awful your day may have been, there is always something that will make it a bit lighter and that’s what you need to always look forward to.
• This story was not mentioned in my blog about the Enchanted River. Haha. Go figure.

There you have it lovelies! I don’t know about you but this, to me, is one of the funniest things I experienced during my travels. I could clearly see myself telling my grandkids and great-grandkids about it no matter if they find it disgusting. Share yours in the comments or hit me up on Facebook or Instagram. I’ll see you in the next blog. Ciao!