I wasnโt planning on writing another Dear Younger Self letter.ย This one came from a conversation I had with ChatGPT. Cause when you live alone and have always kept to yourself, who do you talk to about random things and realizations that suddenly popped into your head? A therapist would have cost thousands, so ChatGPT it is.ย I was reflecting on something Iโve heard for as long as I can remember.
โMayabang ka.โ
It wasnโt strangers who said it first.ย It was my dad.ย Heโd often tell me I was just like my mom, mayabang.ย As a child, you donโt know what to do with words like that.ย You donโt argue.ย You donโt analyze them.ย You carry them.ย For years, I wondered if he was right.ย Even now, there are moments when Iโm in the middle of telling a story about something Iโve accomplished, and Iโll catch myself thinking,
โOh noโฆ Iโm talking about myself again. Theyโre going to think Iโm bragging.โ
Because sometimes I talk about myself too much, just to be seen. That realization led me to ask a question Iโd never seriously considered before. What if what people saw as arrogance wasnโt arrogance at all? What if it was something I learned? Growing up, I donโt remember my achievements being celebrated the way I longed for them to be. Success often felt expected. Ordinary. Something that didnโt deserve much attention because they say, โMatalino ka naman.โ
So somewhere along the way, I learned to celebrate myself. Sometimes a little too loudly. Not because I believed I was better than everyone else. But because, deep down, I was afraid that if I didnโt acknowledge my own achievements, no one else would. Even now, I still meet people who try to make me feel small, and my immediate instinct is always to fight back and prove them wrong.
That conversation became this letter.ย Not to defend myself.ย Not to convince anyone that theyโve misunderstood me.ย But to explore a possibility. Sometimes the traits weโre judged for arenโt the traits we consciously chose.ย Sometimes theyโre the ways we learned to survive.
Dear Younger Me,
People will call you mayabang. Some will say youโre too full of yourself. Others will think youโre trying too hard to prove youโre better than everyone else. It will bother you for years because, deep down, youโll know thatโs only half the story.
The truth is, no one taught you how to be proud of yourself. Growing up, your achievements werenโt celebrated the way you secretly hoped they would be. They were expected. โMatalino ka naman.โ As if doing well wasnโt something worth celebrating because it was simply what you were supposed to do.
You learned early that people are quick to point out your mistakes but slow to acknowledge your victories. So without realizing it, you became your own cheerleader. You learned to clap for yourself because you were afraid no one else would. Somewhere along the way, confidence became a shield.
Before anyone could make you feel small, youโd remind yourself, and sometimes everyone else, of what you had accomplished. Not because you believed you were better. Because you were terrified of believing you werenโt enough. Youโll notice it years later. Youโll be in the middle of telling a story when a little voice in your head whispers, โOh noโฆ Iโm doing it again.โ
Youโll suddenly wonder if people think youโre bragging. Sometimes, you are. Sometimes, youโre simply excited to share something youโre proud of. And sometimesโฆ Youโre still that little girl trying to convince herself that sheโs worth noticing.
The hardest part? Compliments will make you uncomfortable too. Youโll either brush them off because they donโt feel realโฆ Or youโll hold onto them a little too tightly because you spent so much of your life starving for them.
Youโll also carry this habit into your relationships. Youโll fight to be understood. Youโll fight to be right. Not because winning matters. But because, for so long, your voice felt like it carried less weight than everyone elseโs.
One day, though, youโll realize something that changes everything. Confidence doesnโt have to be loud. It doesnโt have to announce itself. And it certainly doesnโt have to convince anyone. Real confidence quietly says, โI know who I am, whether you see it or not.โย You wonโt need to list your accomplishments to prove your worth. You wonโt need to defend your intelligence. You wonโt need to explain your heart to people determined to misunderstand it.
Because the people who matter wonโt love you more because you impressed them. Theyโll love you because they see you. So hereโs what I want you to remember. Celebrate yourself. Be proud of what youโve built. Share your wins. Just donโt confuse proving your worth with recognizing it. One seeks validation. The other comes from peace. And peace is a much quieter place to live.
Love,
The older version of you who finally realized that confidence isnโt about making sure everyone sees your light. Itโs about no longer fearing that it will disappear if they donโt.
Cover photo from:ย https://awanderfulsole.com/fetam-klego-7-falls-and-underground-river/
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